The holidays are for family…

I love my family. The one I was born into, the ones who I’ve chosen as family and those who were put into my life via circumstances out of my control.

As the season wears on, and I get older, I’m slowly realizing something. Some of those who I loved very much are gone. Gone as in not coming back, they’ve passed away. This includes birth family, and chosen family. Unfortunately, I’ll never have another earthly moment with them.  Some of those I love very deeply are nearly gone. They’ve waged a good fight, earned their age, but I know that by the end of the next decade they’ll be gone. That’s probably optimistic.

I’ve made some really stupid choices when I was younger, and pushed people out of my life because they didn’t approve of those choices. You never regret it till it’s too late. I have nearly no regrets, but one I do have, is that some of those who mean more to me than life itself have become so distant to me, that I don’t recognize them anymore. Well, most likely, they don’t recognize me anymore. How pathetic is that? I mean, how you can love someone or a group of people so much, and yet lose them? I suppose this is the human quandary we all ponder, but I’m hyper sensitive to at this time of year. As I’m faced with the inevitable loss of even more people that I love so much, people who have helped to make me who I am today, the real me, I wonder why the hell I wasted so many years being stupid. I hate it, and I hate that I can’t change it, I can’t get the time back, and I’m so sad and heartbroken that there may be never enough “sorry” to go around.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy. My life is good. But as we look back and think of those we love, and those who love us, always remember that life is too important to be stupid. Embrace them, and never ever forget to let them know how you feel, before it’s too late.