I’ve been known to find myself realizing that my first impression, or assumptions about someone can be wrong. Thankfully, I realize this before I make too much, if at all, an ass of myself.

I first noticed that my assumptions might be wrong as a teenager. Mid-teens, I realized that a friend’s sibling wasn’t the bitch I thought she was, rather, I think I was a bitch to her. ROFL. Silly teenage headcase.

It’s happened since, of course, but as I get older, I find my realizations to be much more than something simple like my previous statement.

Lately, it’s been two assumptions that have really brought to light: That I’m either living in my head sometimes, or I’m expecting too much from others that are just not able to produce.

First – living in my head – I have a friend who reminded me lately that I seem to think that our relationship is much closer and precious in my head than it is, perhaps, in real life. This wasn’t something she observed and then noted, but in a time of need in her life, she felt she wasn’t able to find support. In my head, she’s a very special friend, and simply because of geography and the fact that we haven’t seen each other in ten years or so, I would refrain from calling her a BFF. But, really, she is to me. She’s absolutely precious and amazing, beautiful and strong. Her children are exact replicas of her. Her husband is adorable and steadfast in his support for her. In my head, I love her and adore her and she’s absolutely the best. I feel like our relationship is solid. But when she needed me the most, I wasn’t there. Obviously geography separates us physically, but what and why the hell wasn’t I there emotionally and morally? I felt I was in some way, but the truth is, I wasn’t. When I finally got the opportunity to speak with her on the phone, I reiterated all of this to her, and apologized for being selfish in a way. Selfish that I felt we were good. We were close and things were fantastic, when even though she knew I loved her, I really wasn’t there. Of course, I’m one person, so I know that I’m not the end all, be all of this person’s life, but I committed to her and myself that I’d pull out of my head, and share my lovely relationship with her in real life, not just my head.

Second – expectations and assumptions – I have roles in my life that give me levels of leadership. One of them being chairperson. Because I’m anal and a perfectionist, I expect a lot of myself. BUT, I’m learning that I’m projecting some of these things on to the board members. I’m expecting a level and quality of service/duty, that isn’t there. I’m not sure it’s a matter of lack of desire, drive or duty, OR I’m expecting things from people who just can’t produce it. This one, I’m still in the midst of dealing with, but I’m really learning that not everyone works like I do, and not everyone has to. Some people accomplish things quite well going at their level, and their speed. So, it’s a work in progress. For me and them.