Everybody and their dog has something to say about it getting better. And, some very powerful people are lending their voice to the cause, including the President of the United States, Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, other government officials including the White House staff. Famous people from all levels of fame and notoriety are making it gets better videos.

What is It Gets Better?

It Gets Better right from their own website, is:

In September 2010, syndicated columnist and author Dan Savage created a YouTube video with his partner Terry to inspire hope for young people facing harassment. In response to a number of students taking their own lives after being bullied in school, they wanted to create a personal way for supporters everywhere to tell LGBT youth that, yes, it does indeed get better.

What gets better?

Life.

When does it get better?

In the not-so-distant future. Even though it seems like it never will.

Why does it get better?

Because you grow up. Because you mature and gain wisdom into why people like those selfish people would try to and did hurt you.

Who gets better?

You!

Where does it get better?

Finding a safe space, filled with love, acceptance and understanding is a start. The world is full of them, and even if you think that there’s none around you, there is. Open your eyes. Even if it’s just one caring person who opens the front door of their house to you, it’s a safe space. Don’t ever deny yourself the comfort of a safe space.

How does it get better?

Well, that’s subjective to each person’s experience. Here’s mine.

Yes. It got better for me.

I grew up. Even though I was always more mature than most of my peers, when I was a teenager, that didn’t mean squat when it came to bullying. This week, I looked at my freshman year book and I couldn’t believe that there wasn’t a neon sign flashing LESBIAN from my forehead. It was painfully obvious, so much so, that my brother who is nearly ten years younger than me, even pointed it out. OUCH. Yet, I didn’t know then.

Of course, at thirteen, and living in a small town nearly twenty years ago, I couldn’t fathom what that meant, and it would be a full fourteen years later before I realized that was indeed gay.

The bullying I suffered was for many things. Because I was different, because I wasn’t beautiful, because I wasn’t popular, because I was part of a Church youth group, because I lived with people other than my parents, because I was overweight, and on a deeper level because I was gay. Though it was never tossed around in ways like I saw one of my other peers, who lord knows was always tormented for being “a fag”.

Sure, people say, it’s just high school. NO, it’s not. It followed me from elementary through junior high, right into high school, and though some of the tormentors matured, and realized that it wasn’t and will never be cool to be an assclown, others found new levels of ignorance and hate.

I would dread waking up every day, dragging myself to school just to hear things that damaged me to my very core, sometimes deeper, through to my soul. Pain so deep and intense that at 14, I was prescribed anti – depressants. I hate drugs, so this was a horrible step in my psychological development. BUT, they were necessary. There’s no shame in getting help when you need it. NONE AT ALL.

I can’t imagine what life would be like if I didn’t have caring adults in my life. Some were in my life for a few years, guiding me through a dark time in my life; some came in and offered help and as quick as they came, they were gone; others are still here. They’ve watched me grow into who I am now.

In my senior year of high school, I was given an opportunity of a lifetime. I realized there was thing called advocacy. In this opportunity, I realized that I had a voice, and it was loud. AND, I could use this voice to help not only myself, but others who didn’t have a voice. Maybe someone like you. Sure most of us have a voice, we talk. But this voice, is one that says, “HEY, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I’M A HUMAN BEING.”

That’s the problem. We end up hating ourselves so much that we forget we’re human too. That we’re entitled to all that entails. One of the greatest gifts humanity has for us is happiness. It’s more than an entitlement, it’s a guarantee.

We have to take it.

But, it didn’t happen easily, or in an instant. It took many mistakes. A path worn by many others like me. An ill fated marriage to a man capped it off for me. As I watched this relationship fall apart into nothing, and reflecting on the many many attempts I made at making it work, I knew that it wasn’t meant to be.

About three months after we said our final goodbyes, and it really was over, I was discussing sexuality with a lesbian friend of mine. She married a woman who was bisexual, and she was always fearful that she’d not be enough, and her wife would want a man. That’s when I had my AH-HA moment. I’d always thought I was bisexual because I was into women, but out of self preservation and denial, I was ‘also in to’ men. Which was a farce. At that point, I realized I was a Lesbian. Not in any way straight, or bisexual. I was floored. The blinders had been lifted and I was suddenly seeing myself authentically. Wow.

Sure, I had been married to a man, and had carried out ‘marital relations’ but I never ever felt comfortable in that sort of relationship.

I began to live my authentic life, and never looked back. My depression disappeared. I didn’t hate myself anymore. I found that I could love myself, wholly and completely.

It got better because I realized that I could be the real me and God didn’t hate me. I realized that in being who I am, and knowing that I was honest with me, that what people thought about it didn’t couldn’t matter. It wasn’t up to them to tell me that I couldn’t be myself. It got better because I realized that my voice mattered, that I MATTERED.

I know it’s hard to see right now, buried in pain and frustration, but it’s not permanent. I know that you might have cultural and/or family obligations and expectations, but hear me out.

Sweetie, you can love yourself because you’re gay, or lesbian, or trans, or bisexual. You can celebrate it. Not in the flashy-have-a-party for yourself way, but revel in the joy that comes with knowing your authentic self is all that really matters. Yes, loving yourself isn’t easy when you have everyone around you, including society making sure you think  that you’re wrong, that who/what you are is wrong. But they’re wrong.

As I’ve learned from others, if you’re not able to love yourself right now, because you’re gay, remind yourself that love is possible, and you can use that as an assurance, have faith that that love will find you. That in the future, you will find pure joy in yourself. That you can be you and there are many many people out there who will love you too.